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Sex And The City: Just Let It Die Already

As much as we all love Sex and the City and yes, we all love it. Why can’t we just let these girls rest in great-cable-television peace? There were rumors for a prequel-SATC movie with oddly-arranged [Selena Gomez as Charlotte York] cast. Now, I just read on HuffPost that there could be a return for SATC to TV. What the fuck bro? Though I love them, they are all extra wrinkled now. Airbrushing can do but so much. What else can be done? Seriously. What else can they do? It seemed like there was the right ending for each character when SATC, The Movie happened.

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  • After saving Carrie from the evil Russian, we begrudgingly learn Big’s actual name- John. John gives Carrie the biggest curve ever in life. Then fixes his major fuck up with the sexiest plagerism- we ever saw but he got away with it because he’s fucking Big- by stuffing Carrie’s email inbox with love letters from famous writers. They get married and live happily ever after.
  • Samantha realizes her world revolved around Smith. Samantha ate away her problems while trying to avoid screwing the neighbor. Ended up screwing herself. Dumped Smith. Single Sam is happily ever after. Even though it would have been great if she ended up with Richard Wright but whatever.
  • Charlotte is raising her little Chinese girl in the best WASP that would make Bunny McDougal proud. Then ends up pregnant, splatters pregnant juice all over Big’s Gucci loafers and miraculously seeds-out another kid all before the end of the movie. Happy Charlotte.
  • Steve cheats on Miranda…with the help. Miranda’s emasculated. She screws with Big’s head regarding marriage, he screws Carrie. Miranda scrunches up her face a lot [reminding everyone of the braces episode]. She confesses. Reconciles with Steve on the Brooklyn bridge. Brady’s still ginger. Miranda’s the man…Happy Miranda.
  • Oh yeah and Jennifer Hudson didn’t sing in her loud ass commer cial voice in the movie but managed to “help” put Carrie’s world back together.

Married or not, they found their purpose and it appeared that we had closure with each character….then SATC 2 came and shitted on all of our closure.

It was just like when Jay-Z put out Kingdom Come. It was just bad. We couldn’t believe that something so questionable could come from someone so talented. The second Sex and the City was all over the place, rushed and a waste of close to 2 hours. There’s not that many people in their correct minds that will stand behind Kingdom Come and say its one of Hov’s best…it’s rare if you hear someone mention that they loved the 2nd SATC movie. Proof of it being rushed? The obscure placement of Aiden’s character. His character flew into the strange abyss of Morrocco, provided brief conflict and then faded so quickly, it threw him straight to Applebees commercials. Don’t act like you didn’t think of him when that commercial comes on. Its his voice, I swear it is.

What else can come of them being back on TV? Other than great quotes for internet gifs?

Seeing Big and Carrie together again? Even though they’re getting old and wrinkly. Hearing about Samantha’s romping from the night before? Even though she’s old and wrinkly.

Like what angle is any of this going to be on? And how many years after SATC 2 will this “take place”? I’m just a concerned fan of the greatness that was Sex and the City before the 2nd movie. I forget about the 2nd movie like I forget about Godfather 3…even though Andy Garcia was young and gorgeous in it.

But back to this though. They’re re-opening a wound that didn’t heal properly. But maybe some good will come from this. #positivethoughts

Well and if all else fails, there’s always the fashion girls…the fashion!